Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
