in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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