wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
