There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
