sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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