Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
