***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just high enough for therapy.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
