Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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