i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize