I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
