I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
