I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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