She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize