maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
