tonight lets celebrate not being married
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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