Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
