On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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