Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
