You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
