You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
