Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
