we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
