He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The power of my boobs compel you
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
