i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
