take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
