...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
