i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize