hell yes lets make some ravioli
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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