I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
