why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
