I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
