can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
