So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
