i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
