and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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