well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
