tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
