You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
