New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
