I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
