woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize