He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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