1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
