He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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