What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
