hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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