remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
