he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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