I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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