don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
