A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Randomize
