I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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