I CAN MOONWALK!
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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