So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The best revenge is premature balding
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
