I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I could make wine with my vomit
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
