T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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