don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize