and you said cock pushups were impossible
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
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