i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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