The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
