to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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