Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
