Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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