I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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