i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
