Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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