a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Bring me that man meat
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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