I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
