It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
