I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
