just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
