Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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