ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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