Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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