I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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