He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
