I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
