my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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