just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
