Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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