Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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