You're completely useless in the revolution.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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