You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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