Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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