is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
