My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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