I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
