Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
