Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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