Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is that strawberry winking at me??
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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