Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
