So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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