Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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