You just made me feel so damn special
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
