Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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