i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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