I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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