i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
