We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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