If that was your dad, he is hot
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
