conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize