hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
